Virgin Loi - Karlo Mila

Virgin Loi
- Karlo Mila

looking back,
do I wish I had a Tongan mother
who guarded my chastity
with a bible in one hand
and a taufale in the other?
instead of my pale, polite, palangi mum
who gave me the freedom to choose
and understoof that all the rest of the girls I knew
used tampons

do I wish I'd had a Tongan mother
who put the fear of God himself into me
so that in the heat of many moments
I'd say No
I'm worth more
let's see the rock
buy me shit
and treat me like a princess
(until after we're married
and then I'll be your baby making
black eyed doormat)

those Tongan girls
I see them stare
see my skin half palangi fair
I watch your nostrils flare
I see you sio lalo

I know the coconut wireless
is so efficient
that I cannot get away
with what's actually true
let alone what is pure libel

once I thought I had a choice
and a right to choose
and I believed that ignorance
wasn't bliss
and experience
led to wisdom

I see you sio lalo

so what, I say
I won't wear white on my wedding day
cream suits me better anyway
I say
laughing on the outside
but on the inside
my hymen is broken

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Karlo Mila is of Tongan, Palangi and Samoan descent. She was born in Rotorua, grew up in Palmerston North and now lives and works in Auckland. She has had poetry published in Whetu Moana, Best New Zealand Poems 2003, Short Fuse: The Global Anthology of Fusion Poetry, the Listener and Coffee and Coconuts. Karlo performs live poetry regularly.

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